Unpacking For The Year 2021

shake it off!

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As the new year is about to come and celebrations are around the corner, our natural response to the situation would be to prepare a huge New Years Resolutions list.

How about having a counter-intuitive approach to New Years Resolutions?

Instead of burdening out sweet-perpetually-running-delicate-mind with humongous expectations and action items, why don’t we shake some things off this year?

Why don’t we Unpack for the year 2021?

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This article talks about :

Part 1: What to leave behind this year? -The Pizza-Sambhar Principle

Part 2: How to have a genuine conversation ?-The Broken Leg Principle

Part 3: How to make new bonds and relationships?

Part 1: What to leave behind this year?

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We wouldn’t invest our money, where there is no returns or negative return?

Then why do we invest our precious time and energy in people, situations, and habits that have been proved over time to be harmful to our well being?

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Why don’t we normalise being OK to let go of everything that does not nourish us or support growth?

What does Growth mean?

IMO, Growth is moving in the direction of fulfilling our needs and eventually becoming able to help others fulfil their needs.

What are the Needs?

Apart from food, clothing, shelter, and rest, human beings have been identified to have the following needs as per Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs — image courtesy of Verywellmind.com / Joshua Seong

For more details about each of the above needs, you could visit my previous blog here.

Re-orienting our priorities towards needs helps to :

Identify the essentials and eliminate the rest.

It is ok to Unfollow people in real life too, people:

1. who don’t make your soul feel uplifted
2. who don’t understand you
3. who don’t make you feel safe in the relationship
4. who keep you forever confused about where you stand
5. who always make you feel you are not enough.

Set the intentions to attract people in your life who are much better human beings than you are.

This will make way for people:

1. who are willing to look after you
2. who will recognize the true potential in you
3. who will make you wiser and playful
4. who will appreciate your inner beauty
5. who will make you feel safe in the relationship
6. who will share your struggle and joy
7. support you in your opportunity to rise and are happy about your wins
8. who would eventually make you a better human

And you do the same for them. Your Happy Network.

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There will a lot of ifs and buts here … It is very hard to let go.

“But she is my best friend yaar !!!!

Kuch Kuch Hota hai Rahul…. Tum nahi Samjoge !!! “

To that my response would be :

Pizza — Sambhar Principle.

This might sound insane, but hang on.

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Image source unknown — please connect for attribution.

What would happen if a pizza and sambhar become friends?

Would you ever dip a pizza into sambhar and eat that? Ewwww !!!!

Okay. So, is pizza bad ? or is sambhar bad? Who to blame for the bad taste?

Probably the combination of the two. Pizza needs to move on to find oregano and chilli flakes for a mouth-watering Italian dish. While even Sambhar needs to move on and find its idli, to make the most amazing south Indian dish.

Life happens beyond duality.

Instead of spending time, energy on thinking, justifying who is good and who is bad, and why we are not compatible, why they did this or that, why pizza tasted Italian and why sambhar tasted south-Indian, it will be much easier, worth-while to move on and find creatures who are complementary to us.

You will know you have found the right person when even after they have gone for the day

1. the spark remains in your soul
2. you feel energized, uplifted, more knowledgable, free, and safe in your relationship at the same time.

Now, that we have unpacked for this year, feels lighter. Let us see how to nourish all that gold we already have.

Part 2: How to have a genuine conversation with yourself and people to matter?

There are majorly two sets of mood, the Happy mood and the Distressed mood.

When you are in the happy mood …

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1. Keep a habit of celebrating small wins with your loved ones. Even congratulatory words are enough to validate and acknowledge the efforts gone into deriving that micro output. Celebrating the process, even if it is baby steps is vital. This makes the relationship with yourself and others beautiful and relaxed. As a by-product is also increased your confidence and gets a better chance to succeed.
2. Keep the relationship with yourself and others easy, playful and respectful of healthy boundaries.
3. Do creative things together- it could be you with you or you with others. you are an equally important part of the conversation with yourself. It could be something as simple as painting, dancing, reading a book, learning any new skill, or simply lying down under the open sky counting clouds or stars.
4. I heard a very nice saying somewhere, to make a relationship deeper you need three ingredients-

• first: love, bonding
• second: willingness
• third: similarity of purpose.

Indulging in creative activity is surely refreshing and energizing for your spirit.

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When the mood is distressed …

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I call this the Broken leg Principle.

Imagine your friend broke a leg while playing football or in a fight trying to be a hero. You can see they definitely need medicine and rest. What would our immediate response be?

Somewhat similar to …

‘Buddy, you need to rest. Don’t try to rush into walking. Take proper medicine and heal first. Once you are well, we will win the other football match or we will win that street fight later.’ Or any such sensible option.

But, we DO NOT give them motivation saying…

‘Hey, come on. This is nothing, be positive, at least your other leg is working. Let’s try to run. Don’t feel negative. You need to push yourself, dude. See I also have a little scar on my left hand. I just did not mention it till now. Come, on dude.’ and your friend will be like ‘uh … uh but Dr said’… sounds absurd and insensitive right?

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Then why such injustice to emotional scars?

Just because they are not seen or we don’t know how serious they could be?

Next time when you come to yourself in a distressed mood or someone else comes to you in a distressed mood. Instead of jumping right into it as if it is your most-earned-award-winning-speech-at-the-Oscars, try to make it about the other person.

Try to tell them this …

‘Hey, I know you are feeling sad, low, distressed and it is completely natural to feel that way….

I just want to tell you, you can feel this way as long as it takes to get to a better feeling… I will be right by your side. These emotions will pass away, and once you feel better we are going to celebrate that small win together.

You are safe and I am here. You are not alone in this.

Let me know in case you want me to be a silent listener to vent out your feelings or you want us to go through the thought process together.

Either way, you are the most beautiful soul I have ever met and healing will soon come to you.’

When you say this genuinely mean it. Sometimes just acknowledging and validating that grieving is ok, also helps a lot to the other person.

Part 3: How to make new bonds and relationships?

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First and foremost feel and express your gratitude towards every individual who is responsible for your happiness, joy, prosperity, and abundance. Feel reverence towards people who have been …

1. your support system
2. your guidance
3. your mentor
4. your biggest fan
5. people who have loved all of you with all their open hearts.
6. People who contributed to make you a better version of yourself.

Keep an open mind when you meet new people. Maybe they are the angel you have been looking for. But also be careful, go deep into a relationship taking baby steps.

Instead of directly falling into love with a person.

1. How about falling into an understanding with a person? See if there are resonance and ease.
2. Then, falling into respect for each other. See if both of you learn something from each other.
3. Then, falling into connectedness with a person. See if you feel safe and enough in that relationship.
4. Then, falling into friendship with a person. That breezy, fun, and joyful bond.
5. Then, falling into trust and loyalty with a person. What could be more enriching than having a trustworthy and loyal bond?

And while doing so, letting the LOVE blossom by itself. No falling this time.

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With this, I end my view.

Hope this was helpful and hope this will give a new perspective to look at all the olden golden relationships and newer bonds.

Wishing you a happy new year in advance and wishing your life fills with true joy and abundance.

Love,

Nitee